A recent Stanford study highlights a phenomenon termed “mankeeping,” which addresses the burdens of emotional labor that straight women face in their interactions with men. This concept reveals that many women find themselves in positions where they must manage the emotional wellbeing of their male partners, akin to acting as therapists. The study emphasizes that as men increasingly lean on their romantic partners for emotional support, it creates a significant emotional load for women, leading many to feel overwhelmed and disengaged from dating altogether. Women are becoming increasingly conscious that they are unrecognized caretakers of men’s emotions, often feeling strained and undervalued in these dynamics.
The term “mankeeping” encapsulates the act of maintaining men’s emotional health and social lives while women simultaneously grapple with their mental well-being. This situation is exacerbated by a noted decline in men’s social networks, with many men reporting a lack of close friendships. Stanford postdoctoral fellow Angelica Puzio Ferrara points out that men often lack the emotional resources and networks that women possess, resulting in their dependence on romantic partners for emotional support. Consequently, women are left to navigate their own emotional landscapes while absorbing the burdens created by male loneliness, which can engender frustration and resentment.
Statistical evidence from Pew Research indicates a growing disinterest among women in pursuing relationships, with only 38% of single women actively searching for love, compared to 61% of single men. This discrepancy suggests that many women are choosing to withdraw from relationships that require them to act as emotional caretakers. Ferrara explains that this trend is not merely about individual relationships but speaks to a broader systemic issue affecting men’s capacity to form deep emotional connections outside romantic partnerships. The burden of emotional work placed on women is becoming increasingly recognized as a significant factor in the dynamics of heterosexual relationships.
Ferrara’s likening of “mankeeping” to “kinkeeping”—the often unacknowledged task of sustaining family bonds—highlights that the issue extends beyond romantic partnerships. Much of the emotional labor that falls upon women results from the social isolation of men, attributed to cultural norms surrounding masculinity and friendship. The study suggests that acknowledging this kind of labor can be a crucial first step toward achieving emotional equity in relationships. Until men cultivate deeper friendships and emotional connections with other men, women will likely continue to shoulder disproportionate emotional burdens.
Amidst rising awareness of these issues, a trend has emerged among some men, particularly in the Gen Z cohort, who are initiating deeper emotional connections with their male friends. Instances of men calling each other simply to check in or say “good night” have gained traction on social media, eliciting responses that reveal a growing desire for emotional expression among men. This trend could be a positive step toward alleviating the burdens associated with male loneliness and fostering healthier relationships among men, indirectly promoting equality in emotional labor in both platonic and romantic settings.
Ultimately, the recognition of “mankeeping” serves as a pivotal moment in understanding the dynamics of emotional labor within heterosexual relationships. As women increasingly opt out of acting as emotional support systems for their male partners, it underscores the need for men to foster their own social connections. The evolution of male friendship norms, paired with the acknowledgment of the emotional burdens women carry, could lead to healthier, more balanced relationships in the future. This dialogue encourages a broader societal shift toward understanding and addressing emotional responsibilities in both genders, promoting mutual support rather than dependence.
